You'll never believe what someone said to me today.
Today I took a spread in to Doug's work as it was his day to bring treats. I made bacon tomato tarts, spinach-artichoke dip and pita chips, cookies, cranberry punch. I took cherry cordials, chocolate dipped pretzels, candy. It was lovely. People who passed by were commenting on the food as I was packing up the boxes, platters and cookie sheets it took to transport the food from my kitchen to Doug's breakroom. Doug was so thankful. I felt so happy to have done this for him.
Then a female co-worker said to us, "Wow Doug, I wish I had a wife...Someone who didn't have anything better to do than to cook and clean for me and do whatever I wanted her to do all day long."
I was crestfallen. I looked at my outfit-sweats because I've gained weight and my jeans don't fit. I thought about how I had no makeup on and my hair wasn't done. And then I looked at the perfectly coifed, perfectly made up, size 5, working woman who was stuffing her face with the food I spent five hours making. I left feeling like a servant girl. I know that's not what she meant. I know she thought that she was saying that I had provided a lovely spread. But to me, she said what she really thinks of Stay at Home moms.
Here's what I wish I could tell her:
I DO have better things to do. I'd love to finish my degree. I've been offered two lucrative full-time jobs in the past three years. I have two novels that are being written at snail pace because of my other commitments. I have talents and gifts and ambitions that I would love to pursue. Being a homemaker is not some second rate job that I do because I failed at everything else. It's the thing I CHOOSE to do above all others.
But then as I sit here writing, I think of my family. I picture their individual faces. I think of how happy Doug was when I came in with all of the food he'd asked me to make. And you know, when those are my thoughts I realize, she's right. I really don't have anything better to do.
Today I took a spread in to Doug's work as it was his day to bring treats. I made bacon tomato tarts, spinach-artichoke dip and pita chips, cookies, cranberry punch. I took cherry cordials, chocolate dipped pretzels, candy. It was lovely. People who passed by were commenting on the food as I was packing up the boxes, platters and cookie sheets it took to transport the food from my kitchen to Doug's breakroom. Doug was so thankful. I felt so happy to have done this for him.
Then a female co-worker said to us, "Wow Doug, I wish I had a wife...Someone who didn't have anything better to do than to cook and clean for me and do whatever I wanted her to do all day long."
I was crestfallen. I looked at my outfit-sweats because I've gained weight and my jeans don't fit. I thought about how I had no makeup on and my hair wasn't done. And then I looked at the perfectly coifed, perfectly made up, size 5, working woman who was stuffing her face with the food I spent five hours making. I left feeling like a servant girl. I know that's not what she meant. I know she thought that she was saying that I had provided a lovely spread. But to me, she said what she really thinks of Stay at Home moms.
Here's what I wish I could tell her:
I DO have better things to do. I'd love to finish my degree. I've been offered two lucrative full-time jobs in the past three years. I have two novels that are being written at snail pace because of my other commitments. I have talents and gifts and ambitions that I would love to pursue. Being a homemaker is not some second rate job that I do because I failed at everything else. It's the thing I CHOOSE to do above all others.
But then as I sit here writing, I think of my family. I picture their individual faces. I think of how happy Doug was when I came in with all of the food he'd asked me to make. And you know, when those are my thoughts I realize, she's right. I really don't have anything better to do.
6 comments:
I also had people say equally insensitive things to me when I was a working mom. You know, stuff about not being a good mom because I worked. I wish that people could look at each other and think, "Hey, she's doing the best that she can." I don't judge Doug's co-worker for being a working mom all her life. I wish she wouldn't think less of me because I choose this.
I like the resolve you came to in the end. And we all need to just step back and give people some love and realize we're all hanging on for dear life!! Hooray for you realizing this it will rescue you many times.
Motherhood and being a wife are the truest treasures in life and I am glad that you are able to live it each day. You are a wonderful woman, just as your are.
Weight gain = Christie is finally healthy again. That brings smiles to the faces of all those who love you, Doug, Hailey and Libby. I got the BEST hug the other night from Libby and it carried me far into the next day.
Is there something "better" than being the glue that holds a family together and the heart that keeps it happy and comforted? There isn't! There is nothing more lasting or important.
Christie, You are amazing and you inspire me. Please keep up all the hard work. You really are great. Love you!!!
I just wish I could be a stay at home mom!!!! One day!
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